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| So many possibilities - which one(s) to choose |
My life is in transition. At times it feels like it is unravelling with incredible speed … at others it feels like this is the beginning of something really good. All I have to do is stay positive, say yes I can, celebrate the positive, build on it and everything will, in time fall into place. I also have to tell that gob-shite of a black dog that keeps hanging round to … BUGGER OFF!
How did I get here? Last year I landed what was supposed to be my dream job. Suffice to say the warning signs were there before I even started. Even in my 50s I marvel at how I am still so naive! There was a walloping, great, big, FAT ... red flag waving about the place (my predecessor resigned after only eight or was it six weeks). When I told some of my artist friends about my fab new job I got the feeling they seemed to want to tell me something … but decided not to. Only one warned me to be wary. I thought I could handle it. In the ensuing months there were other signs, not directed at me, but me in my naivety took them at face value.
Come December there was a shift , a perceptible and apparently inexplicable change (to me anyway). Slowly but ever so surely I found myself leaving for work with a knot in the pit of my stomach. My wonderful journey there across amazing countryside with wide skies and space turned into anxiety ridden moments trying to anticipate whether the day was going to be OK or not. I began to look at those warning signs in a different light and I began to think there clearly is more than met my eye at any rate but in tandem with that I seriously began to question my own sanity. That’s what happens, you begin to believe, despite all the evidence to the contrary that you are the one who is losing it and possibly never had it.
In the end, for the sake of my sanity, I resigned. But what now? What the bloody hell do I do now? More on that shortly.
7 comments:
hello Carol - sounds like you're in for some change... I know how you feel. At the beginning of last year me too i resigned from my "dream job". At first when i told people they could not believe I left that prestigious office, then when I started telling them why they could nog believe why I stayed so long :) I hope you find an interesting path to walk soon.
Hi Carol, I'm visiting from Blogging from the Heart - your prints on this blog are GORGEOUS and I am in awe at your creativity. Also, the cliff hanger ending to your post is killing me so I will definitely be back to find out what happens next ...! Livx
I've had a couple of jobs like that! The nagging doubt I always had was that the doubters and the critics were right, but because I was involved in other things than work I had independent confirmation that they were not. In the end tho' you get through it, especially when, as you do, you are creative and have your work to confirm in your own mind that it isn't you.
nil illegitimi carborundum - otherwise translated as 'don't let the bastards wear you down!
Congratulations on listening to your gut. What an opportunity you've given yourself to find/create a job you'll love. Looking forward to seeing you fly!
.......know exactly how you felt - different place same vibe - I wish you happiness most of all and renewed inspiration - you will be fine......x
......know how you felt - most of all I wish you happiness and renewed inspiration - you will be well....x
know exactly how you felt - different place same vibe - most of all I wish you happiness and renewed inspiration - you will be well.....x
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